Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
