Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.

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(207): View more from Maine

so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.

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(916): View more from California

my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.

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(703): View more from Virginia

I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.

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(831): View more from California

Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.

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(716): View more from New York

I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.

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(702): View more from Nevada

Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts

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