The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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