I saw his package. It spoke to me.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
