By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
