im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
