Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
