I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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