3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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