Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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