I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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