I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
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Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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