i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
