I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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