the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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