last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you will always have a special place in my vag
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
