as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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