did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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