I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
