I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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