I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
