anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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