I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
