I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
