Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
