At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
