Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
