So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
