Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
