If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
