do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
