Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Can Purell be used as lube?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
