So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize
