people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
