Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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