there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
