I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Is Oprah even human
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
