I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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