You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
