Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
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