i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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