Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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