OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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