Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize