someone threw a dead crab at me
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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