I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
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