Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
