Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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