I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
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i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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