is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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