guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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