Got a toothbrush?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
sarcasm needs its own font
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
