When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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