You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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