I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
