but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
