My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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