Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
