Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
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I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
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You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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