Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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