ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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