from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
