in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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