It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just invented taco cereal.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
