She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Fuck appropriateness.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
