party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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