walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
