just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
