I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
