I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
