Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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