dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
