Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she smelled like a LAN party
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
