Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
