He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
