i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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