yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
