you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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