I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
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